Thank you Lyle

Lyle the webmaster of beyondmorningsickness.com sent me this book and the diary of the author of this book during her 4th pregnancy.  I read the diary in one sitting (it was huge) and it made me feel comforted that someone else has the same feelings I have. I do not feel like I need to explain those right now but it gave me great comfort that I can do it.

He also sent me a 100.00 gift card for amazon.com to find something to help me.  I was excited about this and after much thought I decided I am going to buy myself a very nice blanket to cuddle with while I am sick to keep me warm and make me happy.  It is a small pleasure for me.  I currently do not have blanket big enough to cover me and stay warm.

thank you lyle

8 weeks tomorrow

today has been a very hard day.  brad stayed home from work because he was still sick, i made him sleep on the couch last day. i could not have him in bed moving around or making noises, it would have made me throw up.  he had a doctors appointment at 10am and they put him on antibiotics, steroids, and breathing treatments, and well he still can not breathe.  i had a dentist appointment at 11am my mom took me to.  the acid in my throw up knocked out a big filling.  they were suppose to do a temporary fix but it was so bad they had to do a filling.  my dentist is great and did it in 30 minutes!  it was not so bad though i felt like i was going to die.
then off to do blood work to see if i need a feeding tube.  please pray that i don't. i was 6th in line and it took 45 minutes before my blood was drawn.  i really thought the world was ending and even saw spots.  the blood taker lady felt horrible and made sure i made it to the car. i got to the car and told my mom to hurry home I was going to die (of course all while I was drooling because I was numb). made it home and into bed, i feel like death. i just feel like i can't do this.  i asked brad if he thought this was still a good idea and he said yes.  i am not sure i agree.

my hubby is sick

my husband came home from work with the flu, what bad timing, he is a man and thinks the world is ending, I am not sure he could handle hyperemesis he says he can not handle another hour of it.  he is curled in fetal position moaning!

5th disease

a few weeks ago my oldest daughter got 5th disease, last week my youngest daughter got 5th disease.  so i had to go get tested for it since it is very dangerous for the baby in my tummy.  i did blood work 2 weeks ago and the doctor finally called with the results this morning.  i had 5th disease as a child therefore i can not get it again.  amazing what blood work can tell you.  i am happy and thankful this is one thing i currently do not have to deal with.

bath

i am going to bath today, i am going to bath today, i am going to bath today, i am going to bath today, i am going to bath today, i am going to bath today, i am going to bath today, i am going to bath today, i am going to bath today, i am going to bath today..................i figured if i tell myself enough times i will have the energy and strengthen to do it!  It has been long overdue and every day i try to do it and start throwing up and give up.  this throw up needs to get out of my hair, brad said he could wash my hair in the sink but standing up leaning my head over I might pass out! i am going to do it today before my nurse comes out to change my dressings.  i have to go to the dentist tomorrow and get my tooth fixed and do blood work, oh please let me survive the next 48 hours!

toilet

i throw up in the toilet today while brad and the girls were at church instead of my bowl and it was really gross, water splashed on my face, i am sticking to my bowl.....................i am so sick of throwing up!  please give me a break tomorrow!

Tears

everyone knows i am not a tearful person, i pretty much never cry but as i opened my e-mail last night and this morning i was filled with letters of support from woman as far as Scotland offering support and love who has suffered through hyperemesis.  the web master named Lyle on a website about hyperemesis and a book called, beyond morning sickness, had these woman contact me.  it was emotional and brought tears to my eyes of the love and support these woman have for us sisters fighting or have fought this battle against hyperemesis.  i thank you!


24 hour update on throw-up-----------10 times, ended the night with 3 bouts of stomach acid coming up! hoping for a better day :)

NO FUN

 This is the picc line without the cover on, you can see the purple tube is what goes inside of me.  They actually stitched that purple T thing to my arm, the stitches itch and drive me crazy.  They said if they fall out to call and they will put them back in.  I think I will try super glue first!  The nurses come every Monday and change my dressings.  It has to be a sterile environment so the kids have to go in their room and the nurse masks up!

Brad's picture of me after I throw-up 2 cups of chili this is what I e-mailed my friend Bec about the chili:


Me: chili was a really bad idea.....................................so sorry i ate that
Bec:You just made me laugh out loud!
Me:you would not have been laughing if you were sitting next to me like poor Brad, he kept saying, "Don't miss the bowl and hit me!" "It smells so bad, I think I am going to get sick!" "Why did I get you chili!" "Did you even chew it up? It looks the same!"...................great hubby support!  I love you hunny!

7 weeks and 3 days

last night my 2 year old hit my jaw i thought i heard a crack and i freaked out.  went to the bathroom. looked in the mirror and my tooth was hanging.  she knocked out my tooth!  no way, i can not handle this right now!  i laid in bed and freaked out!  i called the dentist this morning, luckily i was having no pain.  went in and she knocked out a big filling and left my tooth the way it was.  so monday i  get it fixed, thank goodnedd i do not need a crown or root canal.  how will i keep my mouth open without throwing up to get it fixed?


good news is i only throw up 2 times in the last 24 hours but was nauseous all 24 hours.  i did eat a bowl of chili from wendys and kept it down.  i do not feel better, but i do feel a slight increase of feeling normal, i will take anything at this point.

throw up

brads wants to know of the 230 days left, how many am i going to make it through?  yesterday was the worst day to date and i am determined for today to be a better day. yesterday i thought i was ready for a feeding tube the throw up had gotten so bad.  i threw up all night and brad was my cheer leader yelling, MVP!  we filled up 3 large bowls, brad could not keep them clean fast enough!  though there are 20 people from brads work with the flu and they are dropping like flys..................he better not get sick.

7 weeks 1 day, 230 days to go

Make a pregnancy ticker

i am not very good at blogging because i am so sick.  i do not keep anything down.  i throw up all the time.  and i have a bad attitude because i am so sick.  i am so thankful to my hubby for all he does and my mom for doing everything, i could not do it without her.  and my friends for the uplifting calls and e-mails, and cards.

We saw the baby today and the heartbeat......140bpm, my mom says it is a good sign it is a boy! HA HA HA!

baby #5.................really?

so i feel like death, i do not remember it being this bad.  i am so sick and can not do anything or even move.  i throw up all the time, i never eat or drink, and I am stuck to an iv pole! when brad got home from work last night i asked him when he would like me to make his appointment for his vasectomy.  a good time would be right after the baby is born when he has a week off.  i told him i too was going to do some kind of permanent birth control so that we are double protected, i do not want an accident happening.  do you know what he said to me?  he said.................i am not sure if we are done!  i yelled, what?  he said he is leaving it in gods hands how many children we have.  i told him i could not mentally or physically handle being pregnant again.  he said only god knows what i can handle, that i do not know what i can handle.  i told him i can not even handle this pregnancy and he laughed at me and said i was doing amazing he doesn't know any other woman that could do what i do.  i had no clue what to say, there is no way in hell i am doing this again!  excuse the language, maybe he needs another wife!

why?

why is my throw up yellow if the only thing going in my body is clear IV fluids?

I love throwing up.............no really it gives me an hour of feeling normal!

After hugging the toilet for the 25th time today, my sweet Maddie walked in the bathroom and rubbed my back for me like Brad does when I am sick. I love my girls, they were worth it and this one will be too.............I hope :)

ultrasound tomorrow

which means i must leave my chair and house, do you know how hard that is?  i am still really sick and still do not know how I am going to do this for weeks.............................hopefully seeing the baby will perk my spirits up!

just too sick to blog

sorry

pictures of the picc line

Picc info

My best attempt to blog for a moment.  My arm is killing me.  It is so sore from the surgery.  I am still nauseous and have felt no relief.  I want to be thrown out in the snow and left to freeze to death, I feel that bad.  It has only been a week how am I going to last months?  I was so nervous this morning before the procedure and nauseous.  The nurses were all great but the doctor was odd.  Who likes sitting on an operating table wide awake?  With my last picc I did not need stitches or feel the blood running down my arm during the surgery.  The home healthcare nurse came out and got me hooked up.  She thought I had a blood clot and went and got heparin to put in my picc line and I knew heparin was a blood thinner, I knew the tube was in my heart, and I knew I was a bleeder.  I told her not to use it.  Thank goodness!  Come to find out the tube just needed un-clamped and opened up!  No blood clot at all.  I should have let her kill me :)  Brad said he would have had a nice mal-practice suit :)  HA HA HA!  I have had a bag of fluids and I still do not feel better.  Please relief come soon!

picc line

Surgery is over, my arm is numb and feels like it weighs 40 pounds. A ton of stitches but the 2 tubes are in my chest. In the operating room the doctor requested 70's rock........Hotel California! Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers.

IV pole delivered

We just got a knock on the door and it was our IV pole for tomorrow.  I can not believe I will be having surgery in the morning but I have no admit I am not as nervous as I was last time because I know what to expect.  It will be nice to get some relief.  This week has gone by fast thank goodness.

THIS IS WHAT AN ALLERGIC REACTION LOOKS LIKE

Zofran Pump does not like me!

No more pump :(

Had and allergic reaction to the pump in my stomach and I am now scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning at 9am to get a picc line put in (tube in my chest). On a good note I finally hit 6 weeks..........34 weeks to go!

The Pump is in!

Just in case you wanted to see pictures of my big belly!  When I had a pump before they did it in your leg but they said in your belly works better.  They made me do it myself which I have NEVER done before.  Either my dad or great friends like Lisa did it for me.

So, you take a big needle that has a catheter wrapped around it and jab it into your tummy.  You take the needle out and leave the catheter in. 

This is my pump it pumps zofran into all the time.  They gave me a bolus does which seemed to help a lot.  They wanted to give me a shot in my  butt with extra zofran and I told them I would pass!  Had they lost their mind! 

The company that put my pump in was so excited to put one in (because it is so rare) they had 3 people come out to watch because each nurse has to do 3 before they can do it by themselves.  I told them I was happy to help them (NOT)!  They practiced on their tummy's they were so excited.

Zofran pump almost 6 weeks!

I have not been blogging much because I feel so horrible.  I honestly do not remember being this sick with the others but I know I was.  I feel like I am on horrible scarey no fun roller coaster ride and I can not get off, it just keeps going and going with no sight at end!  I am not mentally strong with this one like I was with the other ones.  I do not want to do this again and I do not remember feeling that way with the other ones either.  This will be the last Stevens baby though Brad told the doctor yesterday we will be having another one.  He will never get sex again until he is fixed!

Home healthcare is coming out at 1:30pm today to start a zofran pump, I hope that will give me some relief, anything............please.........................................I can not take this any longer!

SICK

I lost 3 pounds in one week, dehydrated, and spilling proteins. So, off to our first infusion of many! Brad told me to smile in-between throwing up! Here is my best CHEESY smile! Home healthcare is due to start coming out in the next 48 hours!

Up since 3am...................feel like death

doctors at 1:20 today, hopefully they will put me to sleep!

Thank you for uplifting notes and calls

 For the most part I am not well enough to talk on the phone and am not good with answering the phone.  I enjoy e-mails and facebook comments.  This one came from my cousin Kari who actually had hyperemesis with 3 boys and was SICKER then I am!  I remember being a teenager in high school and going to visit her in Oregon with my grandparents and we went to the ocean and a light house and Kari was laying in the road by the light house on the ground throwing up everywhere.  She was so sick she could not move.  I remember thinking she was nuts for having kids let alone 3!  Now look at me!  She sent me this lovely note reminding me my grandparents are on the other side helping me threw this!  I love you Kari!

"Sarah, Sarah, I am with you in spirit. If I could take it away for a day, I would becase I know what to do and how to combat it. Even with your knowledge and my knowledge together, however, that sweet baby has to grow and that means our bodies have to react because one of our challenges is this disease you and I inherited from that woman we both call grandma! She will help you and I will pray for you everyday. Put a pillow in every room and a pitcher!"

Monday..................Brad had to go to work :(

I need my hubby at home!  He went to work today but will be home tomorrow to take me to doctors appointments and hopefully the infusion unit for fluids and to set up the surgery for a picc line.  I started throwing up my stomach lining today and threw it up 4 times in 2 hours.  How is that possible?  I have thrown up all day, but I am still not taking zofran.  I would much rather throw up then have a horrible headache!  Hopefully it is just the pill zofran that does it!  My mom brought the girls over lunch which was a huge help from KFC!

Sunday

Still dying................not sure if I feel better with or without the zofran.  Zofran gives me a horrible headache and I only took 1 today instead of 4 like yesterday!  I have been in bed all day my dad even had to come over while Brad was at church with Lizzie to feed the other 2 girls breakfast.

5 weeks and 2 days!

I AM GOING TO DIE!  I woke up sometime before the crack of dawn sicker then a dog.  I took my zofran, and it did not kick in until 11am!  I thought I was going to die.  Brad got up at 6am and watched 20/20 with me on getting free sperm on the internet, odd topic considering our situation.  Maddie woke up and I was holding her in one arm and the bowl in the other arm.  Fairly sure I was going to die! All 3 kids needed breathing treatments this morning for wheezing.  Brad would tell me while I was on the bathroom floor I was the VIP of the family!  VIP's are not suppose to be GREEN!  Brad was suppose to coach ym basketball this morning at 9am but I was too sick.  He went out grocery shopping to stock up on food the kids can get and make themselves. Will I make it until Tuesday without IV's? How many more weeks do I have?

Zofran or Not!

I have had a kinda bad day, I am not hungry and I felt yucky all day, apple juice did not even taste good.  I didn't eat or much at all today.  We had a really bad snow storm today so I laid around all day, it took everything to give the kids lunch.  Brad came home and I decided I wanted to get out and get some fresh snow air.  We drove 30 minuted to Texas Roadhouse.  We ran into Lizzie's teacher.  We got to the car and the girls were buckled and Brad was outside scraping windows and I started throwing up everywhere.  I did not even have enough time to open my door, out my nose and all!  I am not ready!  Please give me one more week.  Brad says I should start taking my zofran, I am just not sure I am ready for the nasty side effects.  But, If I am sick tomorrow I guess I will have no choice!  Please a few more days..........

5 Weeks!

Well I am 5 weeks today and still feel really good.  Biggest complaint is I am tired all the time but I can not sleep at night I am up all night long.  I have a really bad cold and I cough so much my back hurts!  I also have to pee all the time.  But no sever nauseousness yet!  We will see what next week brings!

4 Weeks & 6 days

This is what I found in a large pink bowl this morning! Thanks Brad! HA HA HA!

I am honestly not that sick yet and do not need a bowl or a bowl that size yet, I more just feel yucky and do not feel like eating, or really getting out of bed.

We are pregnant!

It is true, probably a little early to be spreading the news but, I only have a week or so before Hyperemesis hits and my life will end as I know it. It feels like I know the day I will die. A weird feeling. I am 4 weeks and 4 days. Too early to tell people, but hyperemesis hits between 5-6 weeks. The count down is on, I already have seen my obgyn, and I all ready have my zofran (zofran -Ondansetron is used to prevent nausea and vomiting caused by cancer chemotherapy, radiation therapy, and surgery. Ondansetron is in a class of medications called serotonin 5-HT3 receptor antagonists. It works by blocking the action of serotonin, a natural substance that may cause nausea and vomiting). So, it is official!

Baby #4

Can you believe I am actually crazy enough to be talking about Baby #4? In October Brad and I were trying to decide whether or not to have another little one and we got the strongest answer we have probably ever received from our Heavenly Father that we were suppose to have another one. I am not sure it was 100% what Brad and I wanted but we were willing to listen to God, he does know all. Once we came to the decision to do it, I felt more at peace. I suffer from Extreme Hyperemesis and I am not sure I am ready to put my body, kids, and husband through it, but it is now in Gods hands. Hopefully we will know in the next few months. We only have until March to try, because I must get pregnant and deliver in the same year for insurance purposes, how sad is that? We will see.....stay tuned to this blog to find out first!