Thursday, March 15, 2012

finally home from the hospital

well after a morning of nervousness and pretty sure i was going to die it is all over with. i did not want to go to the hospital and my poor hubby could not figure out why i was so nervous. he says i have gone throw much harder things in this pregnancy then a clot removal. i was still nervous beyond words. my mom took me and dropped me off in the infusion at 8:45am and she had the kids.

i sat down and was sure I was going to pass out due to nerves, what was my deal? Come on I can do this! I gave my self a pep talk. The nurse came over and told me what was going to happen. She said they would insert a medication into my picc line and let it sit in my picc line kinda like drain-o and let it de-solve the clot and then in 2 hours when would pull the medicine out and the clot. She said it should work and no worries. I was almost 100% blocked. She did the medicine and then I had 2 hours, 2 hours to sit and stare at the wall and freak out!

I called my mom and hubby and I think they thought I was going to have a nervous break down. I think I hit my breaking point, I have constant nausea, I throw up all the time, I can not eat or drink, I have constipation, diarrhea, cramps, chest pains, room spinning, been to the ER, and now much more can I handle? What if I can not do this, what if I am not strong enough. Mental breakdown! Its only been 14 weeks, how many more can I go before I am suicidal?

Then I find the personal TV everyone has by their bed and watched Will and Grace. I usually do not watch this show and the last time I watched it I was in an infusion unit in California with baby #2. It brought some sort of comfort to me so I watched 3 episodes. Then the guy next to me who was getting 2 bags of blood (I hate blood) turned his TV on as loud as it goes and I had to watch what he was watching because his TV was so loud. He decided on Mud Cats, has anyone seen that show? Painful! It is about hillbilly's fishing with their hands in wife beaters! The guy next to me would yell things to his wife like,"Hey Wanda, you ever seen a fish dat big! I ain't never caught a fish dat size!" It was ridiculous yet humorous at the same time and it made me laugh, almost out loud.

Then the nurse came over because it had been 2 hours and bad news, she was so confident 2 hours ago. She tried to remove the clot and nothing would move. I was still all blocked. She said to give it 10 more minutes and she would come back. 30 minutes later after a tearful call to the hubby that it was not working, the nurse came back. And she got a teeny tiny bit out. Not a lot.

What they do is try to pull the medicine back out of your line and as they pull the medicine out it should pull blood out which means the line is clear and open. But that did not work. She got some blood but not what she wanted to prove the clot was removed. The whole thing grossed me out I do not like any blood and she kept telling me to go to my happy place. I did not want to go anywhere I just wanted to close my eyes and have it end. So then she did what nice people do to help you keep your mind off things, they talk to you and ask you dumb questions. I know she meant well but I could not handle talking I just wanted to close my eyes and be done. When this happens to me I just answer whatever. The last time this happened was when I was in labor with baby #3 I had been pushing for 3 hours and she was stuck and sunny side up, the drugs had warn off and I was in pain. The nurse kept asking me questions and I wanted her to be quiet. She said,"so, mom what are you having, a boy or a girl?" I yelled,"I do not know and I do not care!" The truth was I knew I was having a girl. When the baby was born the nurse turned to my hubby and said,"Announce to the room what it is, mom really wants to know what she had!" My husband looked at her and said, "We have known for 20 weeks it was a girl, what are you talking about?" It was so funny.

So the nurse said we could do the treatment again and if it is still blocked they will pull the picc line out and have surgery to get it put back in today. I can not handle that info, surgery today? I just had surgery 10 weeks ago, I can not mentally handle it. I told her if she pulls it then I am done and will think about surgery next week. We decided to do a second treatment and wait and see.

So at 12:11 treatment #2 started. I was sure the world was ending, my mom called and needed the keys I had with me to get into my house because she had to go to work and Brad was coming home, but Maddie was asleep in the car. I told her I would run them out to her. I could not find a nurse so I just left, well I got stopped at the door and was sent back to my bed and some lady that worked there took the keys to my mom.

Then my dad showed up I think he was called in for reinforcements to make sure I did not completely lose it and end up in the mental institute at the hospital! We talked for it seemed like a few minutes not hours and the next thing I know the nurse was there saying it was 2:13 and time to try again to remove the clot. Well she tried and was able to get the medicine out along with a bunch of blood. Then she tried flushing the line and it flushed but not as well as it should. She said it was still about 40% clogged. That was good enough for me, I am ready to go home!

My dad brought me home and I started IV's and I think it about only 10% clogged, my fluids are running well. It really was not that bad and I was worked up over nothing, it was the un-knowing, the I have never done it before. I am glad I did it and thankful it is working better. i would do it over again if I needed too, but hope and pray I will never need to!

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